A few weeks ago, I shared a piece of my story that set the foundation for telling you about my journey to where I am today, having built a life that I love, by design, filled with joy and purpose.
This month, I will further explain how this trauma reshaped my thinking and led me to unhealthy relationships, toxic friendships, and an internalized belief that I was undeserving of any positive or 'good' things around me.
For years I struggled with the way I saw myself; I was my own worst enemy. These internalized beliefs that I was unworthy translated to the people I surrounded myself with and situations I put myself in – believing this was 'as good as it gets' for me.
Did you know, 95% of our actions are motivated by our subconscious mind? Let that set in for a minute. This means that when we harbour these deeply ingrained paradigms – that we are unworthy, unlovable, damaged – we are much more likely to enter and accept relationships where these beliefs are reaffirmed either through words or actions.
In the weeks, months, and years that followed my rape, I established an inner dialogue that was cruel and self-defeating. With 50,000 thoughts a day, where 90-95% are a repeat from the day before, my negative thinking led me to make decisions and take actions that made me feel like I didn't belong in circles where people were discussing life plans and goals – like I was undeserving when people were treating me well.
I will be sharing the story with you about the moment that changed this pattern for me full stop. I need you to understand that ridding myself of these thoughts and beliefs was not easy. That it was a process.
It required a total 're-programming,' and this is where I found NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
It changed my life – it made me strive for more, and beyond that, it allowed me to recognize that I DESERVED the more that I was working toward.
As a refresher:
Neuro is your thinking process and the way you use your senses to understand what's happening around you.
Linguistic is your words, how you use language, and how it influences you and those around you.
Programming is your behaviour and how you organize your ideas and reactions, and how this affects you and others.
By understanding how those three areas operate together, I was able to tap into the toxic paradigms in my mind and reshape them to support me in adjusting my ways of thinking about/viewing myself.
Next, I will share more about what trauma can look like – and how it can directly impact choices, decisions and thinking. Too often we assume that trauma only occurs after a major event – this isn’t always the case. I invite you to consider a time where you accepted less and why you did that? How has your subconscious mind impacted the way you set goals, the way you interpret love, the way you care for yourself?
If you are interested in exploring the paradigms you have developed for yourself through subconscious bias or trauma, please connect and set up an Insight Chat.